How to Make Guy Friends
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I don’t know where it comes from but some guys are so pre-occupied in being cool in a club they forget to have fun. Perhaps it’s some misguided application of social rules and social dynamics but they’re just not friendly.
They’re dicks.
Are you a cool dude or are you an asshole?
If you’re a confident guy and you see another confident guy, you don’t have anything to prove with him. The guys I’ve met who are legitimately good with women are also just plain cool guys.
They’re like, ‘Hey, what’s up? We should hang out sometime.’
No pretence. They’re even friendlier and more open than most people. They don’t feel like they need to close themselves off.
I meet a lot of people at the clubs and you get all sorts. I try to be friendly with everybody. Flirt with the girls and show appreciation to the guys who are genuinely cool dudes. But when I feel like a guy is trying to prove something by being too cool for school or not genuinely wanting to get to know me… That’s just annoying.
The fact that he’s trying so hard not to be nice means that at some level he’s looking for approval. Probably not even from me but from himself, even.
In the end, the easiest guy to tool is the guy who’s only friendly to women.
‘Yo, what’s your problem man? What, you’re only friendly to the girl, you can’t be friendly to guys too?’
Those guys are the absolute worst and the easiest to not get along with.
Some guys are there just to pick up women. Sure, chat up some girls who are around. But you shouldn’t make that your primary focus. Lighten up a bit and have a boy’s night every now and then. Just go out on the town!
Every single girl in the venue is gonna be more attracted to THAT guy who’s having fun with his friends versus the guy standing around and staring at the rest of the bar, trying to be cool.
Being cool with girls doesn’t mean being too cool for guys. Be open to meeting new people.
Perspective…
I remember meeting this big guy who was obviously an alpha male sort of person. Still, he was a pretty cool dude and very friendly. The majority of my focus was on him, although I was certainly aware of the stunning and attractive female friends he was dancing with.
It wasn’t long until he invited me and my friends to hang out at his table. Eventually I got to know the girls as well, who were surprised that up until then I hadn’t paid any attention to them.
And it wasn’t long after that he was trying to set me up with one of his female friends…
The Sports Bar Contradiction
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Every now and then you get an ‘Aha!’ moment when a breakthrough is sudden and the genius is as startling as a firecracker. I had such a moment in the dating game just last week.
The moment went like this:
Why get dressed up, cram your feet into heels, dress in chic clothes and head out to the clubs when you usually only attract men who value this sort of superficial beauty?
It’s like fishing in a lake with bad fish. Doesn’t matter what sort of bait you hook, you’re guaranteed with a less than spectacular catch.
That wasn’t the end of my stroke of genius. I continued down this path of enlightenment and realised that in clubs you’re essentially competing with women just as dressed up as you are.
Entry into exclusive venues is notoriously difficult and a club’s primary characteristic is to ensure there are more women than men. So you’re in a venue with a very large proportion of beautiful women dressed to the nines competing for the attention of a small group of men, men you probably don’t even want to know because:
1) You’re in a nightclub
2) They’re only talking to you and buying you drinks because you resemble Hyori Lee
With this set up, what’s a girl to do?
The genius to this impasse are Sports Bars
Yep. That’s right.
A simple mastermind solution I’m sure most girls caught onto back in university. Me, I’m just finally getting to grips with the concept now. And I’m not alone – this discovery was a group effort with girlfriends just as oblivious as I was.
The first time I went to a sports bar I was speechless – I’d never seen so many designer polo shirts or casual suits outside of a Ralph Lauren sale before. The fact that this bar had a dozen plasma screens with every ESPN channel available explained a lot.
The atmosphere is also in your favour – instead of going out to a venue dressed to the nines, you can wear the plainest attire and still stand out from the crowd. And there’s a comforting sensibility that you might meet the ‘preferred’ type of man here. That’s because nice guys don’t go prowling nightclubs picking up women. Nice guys are too busy with their sporting hobbies and hanging out with their friends in a venue that serves reasonably-priced-alcohol.
My experience so far is one where I’m surprisingly more relaxed, confident and at ease with myself. I’m really enjoying not getting so dressed up when I go out – my feet love me for it. The insistence of playing 80s-90s pop music is different and interesting. And sports games have commercials, so contrary to popular belief they can’t last forever. So you do end up meeting people.
Although approaching new people can still be weird – it feels a lot like high school again (I don’t know how Jak and Largo make it look so easy! Maybe it’s just different for guys…) Something that surprisingly worked well for me was to ‘accidentally’ spill my drink on them, inquire about the score and just start barracking for any team playing on the screen.
I still don’t know anything about football, which I’m thankful for and I continue to hope this is actually for the best.
The Professional
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Why would you want to become a professional?
So you can build your reputation and achieve your goals.
A professional is easier to work with than an incompetent. Prospective partners and employers look for that and it’s not difficult to see why. The attitude you bring to the table makes business deals more substantial.
So what practical steps can you take?
These tips are universal. A DJ can use them just as effectively as a bartender. They apply to the street team as much as they do to the project manager of a major clubbing brand.
Becoming a professional
1. Plan – Some say that failing to plan is planning to fail. You need to know exactly where you want to be and how to get there but for now just make a plan. Fill it with goals then execute them.
2. Network – Acquaint yourself with everyone you meet. This is an incredibly useful ability and also a rare skill to master. Something to keep in mind: everyone prefers working with people they know and like, especially if they’re genuine. No one likes a fake.
3. Organise – It sounds obvious but getting things done could become complicated, especially when you’re busy. Most of the people in this industry work day jobs as well, and it could get hectic if you’re not on the ball. Find a system that works for you and stick with it.
Being professional doesn’t mean wearing sharp Thomas Pink suits (although that doesn’t hurt for initial impressions). Rather, professionalism refers to delivering what you promise effectively and efficiently. You keep your word and you expect others to do the same. You’re accountable and responsible in all your dealings.
Like Jean Reno in the movie-of-the-same-name, you make things happen.
Seasons @ BLVD Reunion – 27.11.09
Your favourite people, music, vibe & venue reunite at what was undoubtedly the biggest Saturday night of 2006-2008. Expect no less at the Reunion Friday the 27th November 2009!
Don’t miss this rare opportunity to attend the Seasons @ BLVD Reunion where we’ll be mixing up the best tracks of 2008 – request it and we’ll play it – for old time’s sake!
8 consecutive successful seasons of Saturday nights made Seasons @ BLVD the most infamous club party of 2006-2008 – revisit Seasons @ BLVD and relive your memories:
- Same venue
- Original setup, promoters/organisers
- Original DJs/music
- Crème de la crème crowd
These are the elements which separate Seasons @ BLVD from the crowd.
INFO
Date:
Friday, 27th November
10pm – 3am
Dress code:
Dress to Impress
Location:
BLVD Bar – Freshwater Place
6 Queensbridge Street, Southbank
Melbourne
Cover:
Guest List – $20
General Admission – $25
Contact Prilly at 0433 565 779 for guest list and table bookings
EXTRA TIPS
- Try to get in early as a massive crowd is expected for this event – lots of people (including yours truly) remember the days of BLVD fondly
- Wilson Parking is available all along Southbank. Alternatively park Riverside at Crown Casino
Let’s Just Be Friends
It’s tough to be a passive guy these days. Not only do you have no luck with women, but all your girl friends can’t even begin to imagine seeing you ‘in that way’. You’ve heard ‘Let’s just be friends’ and ‘I like you but…’ so many times you can’t even muster the enthusiasm to meet new people.
Have you ever stood by and watched helplessly as another man stole your dream girl right in front of you?
Have you ever felt paralysed around a pretty girl, trying to come up with something to say?
Wouldn’t you love to know the Three Counter Intuitive Secrets to turning this all around?
If you’re interested, be aware that this part of your life can’t be rationalised like your career. Stuff just happens and you can never control the outcome – and I’m sure you wouldn’t want it any other way!
Secret #1 – You can’t just be friends
By acting like her friend, you’re guaranteed to stay that way. Flirt with her instead. It’s much better than the incredibly uncomfortable ‘Let’s Just be Friends’ talk you’ll have with her if you don’t.
Secret #2 – You need to trigger her emotions
You’re a super nice guy, you treat her like a queen and most importantly, you love her. So why did she turn you down as a boyfriend? How could she go for that heartless dickweed instead?
Well, there’s something you should know about her…
See, girls don’t really react to all that super nice guy stuff. They say they do but they don’t really. There’s reasoning behind all this but it’s not reasoning that you as a guy would understand it. It’s emotional reasoning and in a way that’s where it becomes a justification instead.
Let me put it in a way you’d comprehend. You may be completely compatible with each other but if there isn’t any spark, romance or chemistry between you two, nothing will happen.
You can rationalise compatibility all you like but if she’s not feeling it, she’s not feeling it.
That’s all there is to it.
Secret #3 – You don’t have to be rich or good looking
I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff in my time and nothing surprises me more than the way some people hook up with each other. I’ve seen stuff you can’t even begin to imagine… I’ve seen all sorts of guys hook up with beautiful young girls, and it brings a tear to the eye, it really does.
I know you don’t believe me. I can hardly believe it myself.
But the fact is that it happens.
And to these innovative and pioneering men I salute you.
The Business of Clubbing
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I’ve seen a lot of promoters come and go in this business. I used to wonder what separated the ones that succeeded from those that burnt out after starting out well.
It’s not hard to promote when you first get started. It’s actually pretty easy. Anyone can get their friends to come to their parties. If you know big groups of people or you go to a big university, you’ll have no trouble throwing great parties.
But in order to take it to the next level you have to throw great parties week in and week out. You have to hold the standard. So why can some promoters throw only one or two great parties, while others can do it year in and year out?
After working with many different people I can bring it down to one deciding factor:
Customer Loyalty
Having dedicated customers is the biggest aspect of any successful promoter.
Sounds pretty obvious, right?
But most promoters never fully comprehend this. They view party-goers as just crowds attending their party, so they never form that loyalty.
Certainly they’ll have names and email addresses of people but if they don’t have enthusiastic fans who come to any and every party they throw, they’ll just falter.
For instance, it takes a lot more investment to go out and get new customers than it does to keep your current customers happy. What this means is you need to tend to your clients and make sure they always want to come back for more.
Having loyal customers isn’t difficult if you keep a few thoughts in mind. The earlier you get started, the easier your job becomes with each successful week.
Here are a few of my own personal tips I’ve found to be useful:
- Learn their name – A difficult task, I have to admit, considering the hundreds of people you meet every night – but a requirement for all intents and purposes
- Treat all your guests as VIP – Refrain from stratifying your clients from your friends. This is the most involved aspect for many promoters, since they have difficulty discerning the difference between them
- Introduce them to other people – You’re a promoter, so get the guy-girl continuum going. Groups of people have only you in common, so introduce them to each other and get your cliques to mingle
Pretty much anything you can do to show that you appreciate their patronage.
Remember, loyal customers make the backbone of this industry and it’s the key factor in separating the one-off promoters from the professionals.
So What do You do?
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How often have you come across this question in your personal life? And how often have you hesitated to answer?
Take the following as an example:
‘So what do you do?’ she asks.
‘I’m a software engineer,’ you reply.
‘Oh. So you work with computers then?’
‘Yeah, mostly C++ and JavaScript with a bit of CSS and html on the side.’
This is fine in a professional setting but in a high energy environment such as an Asian nightclub, the pretty girl you’re dancing with doesn’t care. Why should she? It’s boring and it doesn’t relate to her. The way you’re going, she probably won’t even remember your name the morning after.
And the last thing you want to talk about is your job. Who talks about work when they go out on the weekend?
You can, however, make it a point in conversation that works to your advantage. The following conversation technique comes in two parts:
First, paint a picture when you talk
The more vivid the image you convey, the more people get drawn into your world. You don’t have to love your occupation, job or company but you should at least be proud of what you do.
Second, describe it in a way she can relate to
If you’re going to connect with her on any level, she has to relate to you somehow. Let’s go back to the software engineer and let him try it again, this time using the conversation technique:
‘Ahaha, Jak told us to start again. From the top then, eh?’
‘Okay. So, um, what do you do?’ she’ll ask.
‘Hmm. Do you use Facebook or Myspace?’
‘Of course!’ she says.
‘Well, I sort of help make those sorts of sites work. You know, behind the scenes. My job makes it easier for you to keep in touch with your friends.’
‘Oh wow! Amy, come over here you have to meet this guy!’
See the difference? By being colourful with words and presenting yourself in a relatable way, you change the vibe as well.
The great thing is it’s a technique you can use immediately. By relating what you do with the other person, you turn a drab conversation obligation into an engaging detail.
Try it for yourself in the comments section. I want to hear from all the accountants, bankers, engineers and superannuation managers out there!
Chill Sessions @ Alumbra 21.11.09
Alumbra is a brilliant little venue – very exotic and trendy with the vibe. And any club that features a barbeque is cool with me! Chill Sessions @ Alumbra is set to be a sweet little one-off.
The outdoor area is delightfully spacious and it allows a fantastic view of the harbour, which is the main drawcard for this waterfront venue. Great place to relax with a drink, let loose with your friends and just chill.
The massive TANG crew are running this sunset party, which means the regular cohort of gorgeous girls, suave guys and friendly people. There’s lots of fun to be had so be seeing you Saturday afternoon Chill Sessions @ Alumbra!
INFORMATION
Date:
Saturday, 21.11.09
3PM – 10PM
Dress code:
Gentlemen – Sharp
Ladies – Cocktail
Location:
Alumbra – Shed 9 Central Pier
161 Harbour Esplanade, Docklands
Melbourne
Cover:
Tickets (Gender Specific) – $25
General Admission – $35
Contact Jak Nguyen by email at jak.cityafterdark@gmail.com or by phone at 0430 170 091. Please turn on caller ID
EXTRA INFO/TIPS
- The TANG crew has many promoters and a massive audience as it is, so unless you’re on the inside track you’ll be hard pressed to find tickets anywhere else but here
- Parking is $10 on Central Pier – the ramp entrance to Central Pier is located between the two buildings. Alumbra is situated at the end of the shed to the left
- Yes you can wear sunglasses to Chill Sessions @ Alumbra. It is a daytime event, after all
The Longest Yard
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Women enjoy sex as much as men. Hardly surprising, but kinda taboo nonetheless (Jak’s gonna tell me off for being too graphic again, for sure. But what can you do? That’s the nature of the subject!).
‘Slut’ and ’skank’ gets thrown around a lot by women, usually to keep other women in check. The term ‘slut’ as used by women therefore doesn’t apply to girls who have casual sex with men. Not at all. Why? Because it only applies to women who look and act desperate.
For example, many girls I know have regular casual sex without ever being labelled a ’slut’. They keep it on the downlow and the discrete. They have incredibly high standards. They’re attractive, intelligent and accomplished women, so they’re much more discerning when it comes to meeting men in a club.
Certain Asian club girls can be quite ruthless with this, and will not hesitate to shame and humiliate girls in this regard. That’s why it’s so different from, say, a regular mix club — girls enjoy sex, sure, but no girl wants to deal with all that baggage that comes with it. No girls wants to be labelled. No girl likes to be judged by her friends… Which tends to lead to a lot of disappointed women going home alone.
It’s actually pretty easy to hook up once you figure out that all you have to do is give her the opportunity. That’s it, really. It could be later in the night or it could be after the first date… As long as the prospect is available, things just happen. I’ll even write a few Tips and Tricks further down the track if our readers are interested enough.
Either way, discretion is the magic word that applies here, so get used to it
This includes the morning after. You wake up and as your eyes adjust, you see her make-up plastered on her pillow and you realise you’ve perhaps made a mistake. So you decide your best option is to quietly make your exit.
The Longest Yard
Sometimes you stop for a second and watch her sleeping as her breathing causes the sheets to shift and fold, hair matted to her face with sweat. And you think, ‘Wow, she really is something special. Perhaps I’ve been doing this all wrong.’ So you think to yourself, perhaps I could stay a little while longer…
But just as you’re about to get back under the sheets, the contents of the room become more discernible. You see photo frames of her with a guy who, by the way they held each other and looked into each others eyes, meant he was more than just a friend. Or you see men’s clothes that obviously aren’t yours strewn around the room.
So you silently pick up your things and quietly go on your way.
Sometimes you see her look up just as you’re about to leave, or you find out she’s been wide awake the entire time. Neither of you say a word.
What could you possibly talk about?
So you leave, closing the door behind you.
The elevator ride down always takes too long. The gentle morning lull is a little quieter than usual.
Then you catch a cab to your car and you drive bleary eyed home, radio turned up to drown out the banging noise in your head.
Back2Basics – How to Accept Compliments
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This one’s easy. Simply smile and say, ‘thanks.’ Or, ‘you’re sweet.’
It’s just the polite thing to do.
Somebody took the effort of paying attention to a detail about you. A compliment comes in many surprising forms and noticing them is half the fun. A physical attribute, an intellectual comment, an endearing personality trait, it doesn’t matter.
They noticed something interesting about you and that’s pretty neat of them. Be modest about it, which doesn’t mean downplaying it with, ‘What, this old thing?’ or ‘Oh no, it’s nothing really…’ That just devalues what the other person had to say about you.
Accept it, let them know you appreciate that they noticed and just continue with whatever it was you were doing.
